Only a Dream

In my dream I lived in two houses. In each I had a splattering of my stuff all over the house. Each house felt familiar yet neither of them were owned by me. Each was owned by a family of a boy that went to school with my sons. I felt like an intruder not comfortable yet accepting that's how my home life was. There were secret door ways and hidden rooms within each and each time I was in one house I would discover more of the unknown. In the second house the family were asleep as I explored my room. I looked out the window and saw mountains and valleys and waterfalls and felt compelled to step outside cross the highway that separated me and join this majestic vista from the outside. (Instead of looking through a window) I made my way towards the ocean and sat on a cliff face and watched as people skied down the mountain or sky dived or dove into the waterfalls. There were literally thousands of people having the times of their lives while I sat and watched. All of a sudden a large screen came down from the sky to form a whiteboard like backdrop albeit a giant whiteboard. Then a motorised giant robot appeared buzzing around in the air. It was the robot from Lost in Space but was modernised. No one paid any attention to it as lights flashed and a deep sharp siren was emitted from it. It grabbed my attention and I felt very afraid. A voice inside of me whispered "it's only a character made out of old tin. Nothing to be worried about!" And I felt relief and peace as a result. As the robot whirred in the background strange unfamiliar memories flooded my brain and despite the beauty of the ocean below I fell into a pit of despair. I felt no connection to many of the places, spaces, faces and activities that had chased me for so long. My energy levels were depleted yet somehow victorious. In my minds eye I watched as I walked from the Gold Coast to Ayers Rock wearing one old pair of brown leather sandals. I had a tiny olive canvas back pack on my back taking with me minimal supplies. The journey stripped me bare of all that I had previously thought was important. It took me seven long months. It wore away my bravado and left me with a new softness where there was no place for judgement or criticism. A deep crevasse of wisdom had been chiseled into my heart direct from the sweat that was my only companion on my adventure. Deep in this memory I shuddered for a moment and then took a deep breath and opened my eyes and saw the ocean below for what it really was.