I am who I am because of you

Forty months of my life have been dedicated to sharing my body with each of you at a time. There is no comparable beauty or honour than while carrying a child. The fierce mother tigress emerged then protecting her growing belly at all costs. Then I met you – each in different ways and times – and it was as if you had been with me all the time. Alex, you emerged one day early and looked directly at me with calm focus – locking eyes with full expectation that together we had a job to do. I almost heard you say: “Right there you are. Come on let’s get started!” I was so young and so terrified and you expertly trained me out of being such a scared little girl into a capable strong mother. Tim, you cried leaving the comfort behind three weeks late yet stopped as soon as I put you under my chin snuggling in comfort and melting my heart. Sam, you surfaced two days late, arms and legs flapping around, eager to take on the world and start straight away – now!!! Niko, disembarking two weeks late, and like your sister before you, calmly emerged and directly engaged me with your peaceful determination. I continue to be amazed that your personalities have remained constant since the very first moment that we each met. I received a card from my cousin, Ben, upon Alex’s birth and it said “Life as you know it is over.” That bloody card haunted me for years as I was terrified that I would be true. Guess what? It was. Endless sleepless nights walking the floor while you screamed in pain or frustration or plain exhaustion. The nightly five o’clock danger zone where the only relief was walking the pram through the neighbourhood for hours. The desperate midnight car rides. My mother had a bag packed, pillows, doonas and PJs in her car for years ready to drive over as the relief team whenever the call went out. Raising each of you has been a team effort. Grandparents, cousins, neighbours, friends – there has always been an open arm willing to juggle and share. It does take a whole village to raise a child. Together we passed on clothes, toys, books, cots, prams and most importantly courage. You four will do the same with each other when the time comes. I have been spewed on, peed on and seen things in your nappies that would curl my father’s hair. I have mopped, hosed, bleached, disinfected and scrubbed enough shit to fill the Wivenhoe Dam. As a family we have spent so much time in the Emergency Ward that we now have special reserve seating. My frequent flyer points are record breaking for the miles to piano, violin, ballet classes, soccer, cricket and rugby games, camps, gigs, formals, concerts, functions, parties and graduations. Then the driving lessons, the late night “Come Get Me” calls when you try to pretend that you haven’t been drinking - yeah right. You each have collected your stories of my various cyclical rebellions to ban Easter, eradicate sugar, go vegetarian, open doors with axes, craft new family customs, explode religious myths and expose you to a variety of brave new worlds. You’ve endured me as a Wiccan, Conspiracy Theorist, Buddhist, Alien, Middle Eastern, New Age – and guffawed with each other about the next crazy thing I throw myself into. You’ve tolerated me dragging you to Chinese Doctors, Naturopaths, Psychics, Intuits, Magicians, Kinesiologists, Acupuncturists; Network Chiropractors, Massage Therapists, Homeopaths and Personal Development Gurus. We’ve pulled all nighters for assignments, presentations, exams, broken hearts, high temperatures and a plethora of childhood illnesses. I’ve cackled to myself with each new fashion statement, hair colour, dance move and favourite song you have shared with me. We’ve chatted, laughed, sang, danced, screamed, yelled, cried, sobbed and just sat silently with each other. Our talks have covered the most mundane to the most outrageous and you have each baffled me with your exceptional intelligence and I often wonder where the hell you came from. And you always remind me. Greater mirrors I have never known. My soul mates. My family. And you know what? I've loved every minute of it! I am who I am because of you. Today is MY day because of you four. Thank You xxx