Ugh I don't like this Mirror

From a purely scientific observational perspective I seek the catalyst for me opening to be so vulnerable and falling in love in fascination when I feel seen and considered. I lose my sense and logic and get caught in my own fantasy. The connection I feel is to myself via the mirror of another. Somehow I tune into some frequency and I feel so safe so loved so seen so appreciated so healthy so alive in the presence of another. 

I don't understand how it happens. I would love to slow down the process to identify the hook that loops me into this fantasy where I lose time and space so easily. 

If I want to listen to B105 I tune into a specific frequency then I hear it. What factors lead me to tuning into the frequency of another and why? Why did I put myself in that frequency? If I can trust my higher self I know there will always be a good reason always be a benefit directly and indirectly.

Therefore the Grand Canyon grooves for me - the old pattern that water continues to gravitate to run through - is not to be valued. I get Infatuated at first then I feel resented. Coveted with the "what a shame she is fat" feedback then creating dependency leading to resentment . 

But that isn't the whole story of my grand canyon groove. 

See where it is opposite then see what the others groove is. We always attract each other it's not me doing everything it's a team effort. Where am I loved and admired and thought of as beautiful? 

Wise wise woman. 

Yes. 

I wonder if through our senses we will ALWAYS feel both wanted as well as rejected. I think of guys I thought were stalkers and feel as if they were also feeling the same as me in this observation. I dismissed them as I was afraid of being wanted where it was outside of m control. 

Ooh great questions. 

I feel like with another's love and appreciation I was fueled and I could conquer the world. 

Feeling so loved and seen in his presence gave me confidence. I felt my own power like I could do anything. I felt like I was finally being seen and that meant I had added strength to share my message with the world. Without him I feel like I made up my whole experience like it wasn't even real and therefore I am boring workaholic stressed girl with no energy for life again just dragging myself thru the haze of endless work with no sign it will end and nothing to look forward to other than more of the same. 

I'm crying now I said it out loud.

Our goals and visions are like chalk and cheese outside of business.  

That's it. 

In one mirror I shine. 

In the other I have no reflection. 

I'm rebuilding from the inside out.