One of my clients said recently how angry he was with himself that no matter how much work he “did on himself” there was still “shit” in his life. How many of us have felt like that on occasion? My client was feeling frustration about his physical appearance. He wanted to bulk up and increase his fitness and felt that no matter what he did with diet and exercise, he could not gain control over his external aesthetic. Ha – how many of us have also felt like that? :-)
Knowing who we are won’t get rid of the “shit”. “Doing work on ourselves” won’t get rid of it either. We’ll all still swim between the flags of nice and mean, kind and cruel and experience pleasure and pain. However understanding WHAT drives us, HOW we make our choices, HOW we resolve tension and WHAT we value takes us closer to the APPRECIATION of Self. Ah there’s that “attitude of gratitude” we hear Demartini talk about.
Human BE HAVE IOUR – where am I “BE ing” what am I “DO ing” and therefore what do I “HAVE” as a result of my actions? Our last exercise used the recent Christmas event as a benchmark of Self Assessment. Asking “quality of questions” - drilling down to what your life truly demonstrates often further uncovers your hierarchy of values as they currently are and not as you would like them to be. (I’ve noticed that many of us can confuse a “wish list” with our values.
We all eat – so looking at our relationship with food – will highlight various aspects of our Values that we may otherwise fantastise.
For many people, meals are all about entertainment and social interaction. Finding a fab restaurant, being seen in the right spot and dressing for the occasion is more important than the GI content of the meal. For others, mealtimes are an opportunity for family to sit down together – to connect and share. For others, they wine and dine their clients on a regular basis and do most business over their meals – Coffee, Lunch and Cocktails. Some will spend all day creating culinary masterpieces carefully selecting the finest of ingredients, decorating their tables and creating a gourmet feast for their loved ones. Others may run through their busy hectic lives and grab whatever food is around at the time as a last minute thought. Some people find food a distraction and countdown to mealtimes while salivating madly in anticipation. Others still may have a disciplined relationship with food and research nutrition, understanding how the ph balance works and only eat foods that keep them in balance – spending hours on shopping, preparation and investing in more expensive “healthier” options. Some people have the best intentions and purchase all the ingredients required to cook nutritiously for themselves only to throw most of it out six months later as something always seems to “come up” leaving them no time to cook. Some people get headaches at certain of each day and “need” a certain food or drink to “pep” them up and help them to survive the 3pm slump. Many people buy take away food on a regular basis as they “feel” good when they eat it. Some eat when happy; others when sad and tired while some starve themselves as either a reward or punishment.
The HOW and the WHY and the WHO and the WHAT and the WHEN of our relationship with FOOD really help to show another angle to our story.
Ask yourself these questions:
1. Do you have a kitchen where you live and do you use it or do you eat out more often than not?2. What do you think about Food? Is it fuel, fun or a burden?
3. If money were no object how would you eat?
4. What is your favourite food?
5. What is your favourite food related activity? (Cooking, Shopping, Preparation, Presentation, Cleaning Up, Going out, Time with Family etc)
6. What does your kitchen look like? (Especially inside the kitchen cupboards)
7. How do you spend your time eating?
8. How do you spend your energy shopping for food?
9. Do you shop in your budget or according to your nutritional needs?
10. What determines your budget choices?
11. Do you plan your meals or scavenge what you can at the last minute?
12. Are you frugal or extravagant?
13. Do you believe that you are what you eat or do you believe the body can consume any matter?
14. Do you know how your body digests food or would you rather leave that to an expert?
15. Do you dress for dinner at home – dress the table – and regard mealtimes with respect?
16. Did you plan your shopping with a list?
17. Do you have a plan for meals, nutrition and your physical body?
18. If you are hungry when you shop for food do you stick to your list or do you deviate?
How many of us have a plan, a set budget and a vision of what we want to achieve and get to the store, fridge, table and meal and do something completely different? Then we beat ourselves up and ask “Why did I do that” Why did I eat that chocolate cake?” Or why did I work through my day without eating and go to bed hungry AGAIN?
We’ll all still swim between the flags of nice and mean, kind and cruel and experience pleasure and pain. However appreciating the patterns that underly our choices that our story continues to make will help us to dissolve our fear, guilt and shame when it comes to our relationship with food giving us greater opportunities to integrate the mirrors of our bodies with our personal holographic journeys.
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